My thoughts often just don't make sense to me. I look for some clues in what feelings bring. I think maybe it just is what it is with no use in the grasp at controlling things. All I can do is be what I be. hehe. I'm lucky it sometimes amuses me.
I've been away from my computer so much this month. I have so much to update you on~
Halloween 2024:
I was thinking that I may not have any plans this year, but I had an amazing last minute invite to a scary-oke birthday celebration of cats lmao ♥ I'll take any opportunity I get to dress as a magical cat girl~!
My friend Kyra is so amazing at making me feel comfy even when meeting lots of new people! I even got to sing a duet with Dixie and it made me miss going to After Dark every weekend to sing duets with whoever would let me, back when I lived a few blocks away from the place.
Like omg just listen, they're so sweet and silly cheering for us :3
Besides that outing, I didn't celebrate much more... unless you count this:
hehehehehe i lov it
PUMAS Bday Bash:
I almost missed it for being off social media lol, but I was so happy to celebrate the birthday of my friend Alejandro again this year~! He's an amazing musician and DJ and I can tell his heart is to create safe spaces for people who want to have fun and dance ♥ How beautiful is that?! :'3
And dance I did, indeed lolol here's a clip, if you'd like to see~
Here's a link to the full set btw: *Click the Puma for PUMAS teehee*
On a more serious note about safe spaces to dance... The party was at another mutual friend's house, but people ended up going out to some club type place after 11pm. Let me first say that I did have fun dancing and it wasn't all bad! I also thought I looked cute af and people thought I was dressed as Lydia from Beetlejuice in my red lace dress UwU (though it's hard to tell in the red lights lmao) I did have a bad experience while dancing there when some random dude decided to grab me by the hips and ass to pull me against him while dancing... I'd normally wanna just forget that it happened, (and I almost did by running away and trying to break into the roof access of this building, but thats another story) but it's honestly happened in some way the last 2 out of 3 times that I've gone out to a public space for dancing and it's making me feel like...??? OK!! I will just stick to dancing in my friend's bday basement parties then I guess T__T I know that it's not my fault, like... people should be respectful enough to at least ask before grabbing someone but I'm just trying to be realistic bc the time it happened before this, the guy DID ask and I said no and he tried to grind on me anyways so??? It gets frustrating and even moreso when those things happening scrambles my brain and memory still >n< ! I am working on that too, but... Well... I think I'm gonna have to talk to my friend that drove me home again and apologize because I kinda accidentally spewed my upset feelings about that stuff towards them in a way that I'm worried came out towards them wrong bc they are a boy type person (and he's been nothing but super understanding and respectful to me! :/) It's really not even about that though, because earlier in the night I was already feeling my heart getting iffy feelings when I heard a girl referring to people as "titties" lolol FML I don't even think badly of them tho and that's weird and probably just because my different brains or whatever we call it lmao idkkkk I am trying to figure this stuff out but it's so weird. Am I being judgey bc I'm twaumatized??? IDK man... seems sussy and it's been on my mind non stop since it happened so... that's why I'm spewing rn too lmaooo whatareyagonnado? I know it's normal for people to say stuff like that and do stuff like that apparently, but I still don't think that makes it right. I kinda don't care if I'm coming off as too strict, I'm just tired of it right now!
Anyways... >___>
Other random stuff:
I was away from home a lot recently pet sitting and living my dreams of being a cat girl maid ! yippieeee check the fit lol I'm in a really lucky place to be able to have jobs that I enjoy, even if I have to sacrifice some comforts and conveniences, it's so worth it to me! T___T
I reactivated my Instagram (and you can click Will Turner if you wanna stalk my profile or follow me or whatever I guess)T___T lolol I'm crying bc I deleted it in the first place bc... I'm feeling very easily aggitated by people I'm NGL lmaoooo BUT I also do have people that I want to talk to on there so... Yeah. That's where I am with that. I actually think taking the break has made me interact with it differently now anyways so it's cool. I will cry a lil and get over it XD
I know this post is long as helllllllllllll so far, but I did say I had a lot to tell ya about, so...!
I'm really excited to read a book that I found an AMAZING bargain on ~
Morada De Dioses
About how the Ancient Mayan people related to their human bodies and how it was culturally linked with their spirituallity ♥ I'm so excited because I've been wanting to dive deeper into this topic, especially when it comes to finding things that bring me back to my native heritage in that way...and also because I got it for 94% off the retail price somehow (BLESS) lol
I know I haven't updated much around the site, but... At least I'm posting XD I'm doing my best!
Thanks a million billion times to anyone who actually reads this !!!
but, besides that, I've been going insane trying to process what is even happening to me lolol I probably need more sleep O__o
I haven't been able to access the part of me that does the fun stuff like this website lately, but I think I've been doing other important things.
it's complicated to feel restricted from your own mind somehow. I'm trying my best to let myself understand as much as I can and the rest is... extreme trust. I think my eyes are blooming open. I have a will to live somehow and I'm just grateful for that. I always had it, right? I mean, I must have lol Something good is growing, that's all I know and the rest is... extreme trust XD
Whatever though >///> I'm sure you're dying to know the real meat and potatoes of this post.... What have I been doing to help distract myself so I don't go insane (besides crouton)??!
*Ratatouille TWOie (the birthday sequel)!*
More pictures in the scrapbook, but my friends really helped me save my birthday this year :'3
And I got to wear a fun outfit so I was happy lmaoo
*New Decor Added to the Merky Manor!* My mom bought me an led color changing light and I immediately found my neon colored pencils and my Phineas and Ferb coloring book~ UwU
*
IDK how I haven't talked about 31 Minutos??*
My beloved Chilean puppets :O
Youtube won't let me embed the 1st episode, but here's the 2nd and a link to a playlist with all the episodes, plus an hour long video that convinced me to watch it if you're into that lol
*I rewatched IASIP bc the bloopers are so cute!* lmaooo They look like they're having fun, ya kno? :3
Bia loves Danny Devito and me
I've spent a lot more time journaling and doing crafts lately, so I'll get around to posting more about that stuff when I can. I'm wishing you a good day until we meet again lol
(had to link to this one too lol)
