AAAaaa it's been so long :O like omg it's a new year lol
Hiii~ I was having electrical issues at my place and my head XD
It's better ish now, tho. Better enough for now ♥

I'm really trying to make this place my main source of internet presence at this point. I stole my old pictures from Facebook and that's almost permanently gone. I'm having a hard time leaving Instagram... I don't care if I seem like I'm dramatic, it feels worse to justify the BS. T__T I know I'll figure it out.
In the meantime... I have a lot of ideas of how I want to revamp this place and add more fun pages, so I'm looking forward to working on it! AKA It'll be good to have computer stuff available to focus on instead of other things O__O

Some cool Merky related things:

So much has happened lolol I've been focusing a lot more on music and I'm glad! It's crazy to realize the momentum really matters ^^;;
Hopefully I'll have updated my music page as well, but here's my latest original song that I've recorded~


That's also some art I made so I better update that too XD

I'm trying my best to let myself go one step at a time, but I think my brain often gets so far ahead of me that the rest of me has to ask it to slow down lol

I'm grateful to all the patient people in my life. It's been so interesting gathering up my old pictures. My plans for the Scrapbook are too have some of my old pictures in there too somehow. Growing up, I was like those anime bitches that everyone is scared of but they are actually cool and sweet af u^u lolol

these are from around 2012 maybe? And I probably was also scary but still ...Crazy when you realize like... damn, it wasn't that I'm inherently bad and flawed as a person, it really was just because I was in a small churchy town and I was different :O Being a human is absolutely insane. I am glad to be here now, but sometimes I still feel like I'm gonna enjoy death. Maybe I need to find the ability to be more chill about being alive while I'm still living, but it just feels like this shit just keeps happening and happening and never fuckin stops lmaoo XD Weeeeeeeeeeeee!~


OMG I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION MY LICENSE??? Took me over a decade of BS to get this thing O_O
I am Spongebob coded U_U..
I'm on the way to getting my own vehicle and everything, so yayyy~ Watch out for when I become mobile!! >:3c


I'm also working on some art for a clown themed art exhibit that a friend told me about~ <|:oD
This was some sort of painting/fabric print that I had saved from my grandma's trash lol and now look how cute they are becoming OwO
Besides rehearsing for an upcoming Gal-entines event that I'm playing music for, I've been doing my best to be in cozy painting mode during all the cold weather! (Looks like this:)

Media and such:

I discovered this ancient relic of a "motion manga" while looking up more info about it. I remember really liking the manga as a teen, but I think I mostly liked the art. I like the characters, but I always thought it was a little confusing storywise. Either way, finding this to fuel the comforting feeling of nostalgia was a treat hehehe


You should watch Chowder even tho some weird part of me says "it's like the Cartoon version of It's Always Sunny In Philidalphia where you have to just be okay with the the offensive parts being a piece to the larger puzzle of the pure insanity that isn't meant to be taken seriously, but just enjoyed for being absurd uwu". I think that I've been trying to become more okay with that sort of stuff, but I also think it's part of finding my boundaries. Is it silly to think so deeply about a cartoon?? O///O Well... I guess I'm trying to let my silly out, so...
I recently thought of this episode first thing upon waking and got myself into a laughing fit while staying at a friends house and I was trying to be quiet XD but now I have it saved on my phone lmaooo

Some music:

Gonzo-Rella!? OwO ♥

GONZO-RELLA BAYBIEEIEEEEHEE1!!!!!!!!
ily Gonzo my baby whatever :'3 twinsie angel kin darling lmaooooo yaaaaaaaa


-Merky ♥

My thoughts often just don't make sense to me.
I look for some clues in what feelings bring.
I think maybe it just is what it is
with no use in the grasp at controlling things.
All I can do is be what I be.
hehe.
I'm lucky it sometimes amuses me.

I've been away from my computer so much this month. I have so much to update you on~

Halloween 2024:
I was thinking that I may not have any plans this year, but I had an amazing last minute invite to a scary-oke birthday celebration of cats lmao ♥ I'll take any opportunity I get to dress as a magical cat girl~!

My friend Kyra is so amazing at making me feel comfy even when meeting lots of new people! I even got to sing a duet with Dixie and it made me miss going to After Dark every weekend to sing duets with whoever would let me, back when I lived a few blocks away from the place.

Like omg just listen, they're so sweet and silly cheering for us :3

Besides that outing, I didn't celebrate much more... unless you count this:

hehehehehe i lov it


PUMAS Bday Bash:
I almost missed it for being off social media lol, but I was so happy to celebrate the birthday of my friend Alejandro again this year~! He's an amazing musician and DJ and I can tell his heart is to create safe spaces for people who want to have fun and dance ♥ How beautiful is that?! :'3
And dance I did, indeed lolol here's a clip, if you'd like to see~

Here's a link to the full set btw:
*Click the Puma for PUMAS teehee*


On a more serious note about safe spaces to dance...
The party was at another mutual friend's house, but people ended up going out to some club type place after 11pm. Let me first say that I did have fun dancing and it wasn't all bad! I also thought I looked cute af and people thought I was dressed as Lydia from Beetlejuice in my red lace dress UwU (though it's hard to tell in the red lights lmao)

I did have a bad experience while dancing there when some random dude decided to grab me by the hips and ass to pull me against him while dancing... I'd normally wanna just forget that it happened, (and I almost did by running away and trying to break into the roof access of this building, but thats another story) but it's honestly happened in some way the last 2 out of 3 times that I've gone out to a public space for dancing and it's making me feel like...??? OK!! I will just stick to dancing in my friend's bday basement parties then I guess T__T
I know that it's not my fault, like... people should be respectful enough to at least ask before grabbing someone but I'm just trying to be realistic bc the time it happened before this, the guy DID ask and I said no and he tried to grind on me anyways so??? It gets frustrating and even moreso when those things happening scrambles my brain and memory still >n< ! I am working on that too, but... Well...
I think I'm gonna have to talk to my friend that drove me home again and apologize because I kinda accidentally spewed my upset feelings about that stuff towards them in a way that I'm worried came out towards them wrong bc they are a boy type person (and he's been nothing but super understanding and respectful to me! :/) It's really not even about that though, because earlier in the night I was already feeling my heart getting iffy feelings when I heard a girl referring to people as "titties" lolol FML I don't even think badly of them tho and that's weird and probably just because my different brains or whatever we call it lmao idkkkk I am trying to figure this stuff out but it's so weird. Am I being judgey bc I'm twaumatized??? IDK man... seems sussy and it's been on my mind non stop since it happened so... that's why I'm spewing rn too lmaooo whatareyagonnado? I know it's normal for people to say stuff like that and do stuff like that apparently, but I still don't think that makes it right. I kinda don't care if I'm coming off as too strict, I'm just tired of it right now!

Anyways... >___>

Other random stuff:
I was away from home a lot recently pet sitting and living my dreams of being a cat girl maid ! yippieeee check the fit lol

I'm in a really lucky place to be able to have jobs that I enjoy, even if I have to sacrifice some comforts and conveniences, it's so worth it to me! T___T


I reactivated my Instagram
(and you can click Will Turner if you wanna stalk my profile or follow me or whatever I guess)T___T
lolol I'm crying bc I deleted it in the first place bc... I'm feeling very easily aggitated by people I'm NGL lmaoooo BUT I also do have people that I want to talk to on there so... Yeah. That's where I am with that. I actually think taking the break has made me interact with it differently now anyways so it's cool. I will cry a lil and get over it XD

I know this post is long as helllllllllllll so far, but I did say I had a lot to tell ya about, so...!

I'm really excited to read a book that I found an AMAZING bargain on ~

Morada De Dioses

About how the Ancient Mayan people related to their human bodies and how it was culturally linked with their spirituallity ♥ I'm so excited because I've been wanting to dive deeper into this topic, especially when it comes to finding things that bring me back to my native heritage in that way...and also because I got it for 94% off the retail price somehow (BLESS) lol
I know I haven't updated much around the site, but... At least I'm posting XD I'm doing my best! Thanks a million billion times to anyone who actually reads this !!!

-Merky ♥