I've been writing poetry again, lately. My brain has been thinking in poetry again too. My brain has been doing things I don't understand. I don't understand but I also do. I think back in time, and I barely know me.
I'm proud of myself. I wished and tried so hard to be something that makes sense, but now I guess I can let myself be called crazy. I think I can be a good kind of crazy. I think I can be loved as much as I love you too. I love you all so much too, I know you see it. I love that love and I want to be it. More more more more more~

گر چه من خود ز عدم دلخوش و خندان زادم عشق آموخت مرا شکل دگر خندیدن
***
I was already born with a good sense of humor
But love has taught me to laugh in a different way
Now, like dawn eager to embrace darkness, I laugh
Like a shell about to reveal its pearl, if you break me,
I laugh

***



30th birthday Ratatoullie, btw:

It all feels like so much at once. I hope I can convey it someday. I hope you can see and feel hopeful too. It hurts so much and I wish it didn't have to. It's worth it and I haven't even made it through.



-Merky ♥

This past weekend was busy in a way that I honestly can't even talk about lol Very good for my self development tho.. is ok :'3
I'm trying to rest but I definitely want to distract myself with projects right now... Not a totally bad idea, but I've had the tendency to go overboard in the past. Slow and steady, right TwT ?? I have a few projects that it would actually be responsible of me to work on and everything lol
I also did have a lot of fun amidst all the busyness too! I'm trying to focus on that .///. !

I went to a bar in a nearby city and saw a local drag show and it made me remember how much I love those vibes!! So fun and full of all sorts of energy~ There were times when I looked around and felt like I was some sexy lady from the 20s in a smokey room full of people sitting around drinking and just enjoying watching people dance around with cute outfits and tassels and whatnot lol

I will post the rest of the pictures in the Scrapbook, but here's my fav:

...I guess I was a sexy lady in the 20s in a smokey room with people sitting around drinking and watching people dance in cute outfits O__o
...Anyways..!!!

I'm planning to finally finish my commission/contact page next, as far as website stuff goes~ I'm really trying to be more serious about business type stuff... >n> but it's not the easiest task because I hate the way everything works lol

Oohhh and one more thing... My birthday is next month and I'm also trying really hard to make sure my place is in somewhat order to have guests ^w^ ! I have a copy of the Ratatousical (Ratatouille Musical) and the potential of tofu chili brewing nyehehe so I'm excited. I think some people have tried to make me feel bad for getting old and maybe they are just jokin, but I don't mind either way because I love birthdays and being able to age lol so I'm gonna keep that in my head to look forward to !!
I really wanna post some house tour pics on here eventually too, but that's gotta be lower on my list for now ^^;;

My brain is currently still a bit too scattered to be able to organize a good list of media, but... here's what I'm listening to riiiight now OwO lolol



I'll leave you with that until next time! ;3

-Merky ♥

Aaaaa ok, today went pretty well :3
They already talked to me about coming back to perform again sometime soon, so I'm happy.
Tbh I've been dealing with a lot of family bs and different relationships in my life either ending or transforming, so I sometimes get anxious about being able to get into performing-merky-mode O///O

here's a teeny tiny vid someone took

Something with the sound system cables were not working, but I don't think it really mattered lol. Every time I do anything in a professional setting, I'm reminded that I need to get out of my own anxious perfectionist head lol
Like...hmm....Maybe having fun and wanting other people to be happy and have fun too is enough even if things aren't perfect 100%.. ^^;;

Besides music stuff, I've been having a lot of fun on Neocities and I'm gonna try to get back into learning more coding now that I'm back down to just some crochet projects. I've been feeling happy finding so many little pockets of the world that I didn't know how to reach before and it reminds me how much I love discovering all the unique things people create.

I'm gonna try to get my scrapbook page open soon so I can put media stuff there, but for now, I'm gonna keep dumping it here! XP

EVERTHING IS GOING TO BE OK:

(I could make a shrine to this I s2g...)
Interactive digital zine/"game" that literally broke my heart open and inspired me to make more art
https://alienmelon.itch.io/everything-is-going-to-be-ok

Owl Jolson:

So I kept randomly thinking about this cartoon from when I was a kid about a singing Owl..

when I looked it up, I found some other related videos of interest XP


Fun remix!! It's the Bieber part for me... lmaooo


The best music is the kind that makes you say "They sampled whaaat? wait ...yes u.u "


omfg ♥.♥!! I love to singa :'O lolol This tutorial is so funny too, I love it

Music:

(I'm cryingfkjgnsjdfn this one is my fav on this list. I adore her voice and also the lyrics are me and it rips me to shredssss)

>__> I don't really have anything to say about the rest, they are just fun to me lol

I slept all day after the excitement of the morning, so now I'm up late posting too much..hmm...
TTYL!! XD

-Merky ♥